I'll Rise But I Won't Shine

ojiisanholic:

Oh….. huge.. mood..

kuriquinn:

ma-at-thought:

3dphantom:

babybat98:

universalfanfic:

writing advice: never italicize words to show emphasis! if you’re writing well then the reader will know and you don’t need them!

me: oh really??? listen up, pal, you can just try an pull italics from my cold, dead fingers

“I never said she stole my money.”

VS.

“I never said she stole my money.” 

“I never said she stole my money.” 

“I never said she stole my money.” 

“I never said she stole my money.”

“I never said she stole my money.” 

“I never said she stole my money.” 

“I never said she stole my money.”

It’s especially funny how every single one of those sentences has a completely different meaning. Besides, one shouldn’t make such generalized, idiotic statements as “never use italics,” especially not to writers. A unique style is one of the most crucial elements of writing, and use of italics is a good way to differentiate your writing from others’.

You cannot take my slanty letters away from me.

Touch my italics and I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you

glumshoe:

adragon-slayer:

glumshoe:

be-our-221b-guest:

glumshoe:

in 2011 my friend was playing with my hair and I joked that my deactivation switch was hidden on my scalp and we both laughed

a few moments later, he stroked the back of my head and I only managed to say “wait—“ before literally passing out and collapsing to the floor

whAT HAPPENED

[shrug]

My nervous system is kind of a bastard and sometimes likes to shut down without warning in response to certain kinds of stimuli - to go into some kind of emergency survival mode by helpfully diverting blood from my brain. Cool? Thanks?

I suspect it’s more physically hardwired than psychological - I didn’t know I was afraid of needles until a few years ago because I didn’t feel fear in response to them… I just got fun dramatic physical responses for no apparent reason without experiencing a sense of dread or anxiety.

Anyway I guess now any kind of “sharp” physical sensation, like needles or a hair being snagged too close to my spinal cord, has a chance of registering as life threatening emergency: go directly to unconsciousness do not stop do not collect $200.

Oh so you’re who they based the guy in ratatouille on

oh my god

doomhamster:

feathersescapism:

tilthat:

TIL that airplane pilots would announce that Jonas Salk was on board and passengers would burst into applause. Hotels routinely would upgrade him into their penthouse suites.

via reddit.com

For those who don’t know and don’t want to click thru to find out: Jonas Salk is the reason we in North America no longer live in terror of polio. He also refused to patent or profit from his vaccine. He also spent the last years of his life researching a vaccine for AIDS, long before that was cool and back when a lot of people were secretly hoping it really would just kill all the gays. So you’re damn right people applauded and gave free upgrades.

Reblogging again because this time I did click through, and because of the times in which we live: Jonas Salk was Jewish, and the child of immigrants. 

pressxtodavid:

joey-wheeler-official:

joey-wheeler-official:

gettin real tired of people pretending that the writers not explaining every little thing in detail is the same thing as a plothole tbh

has to think once while watching something whoa this is bad writing

The Cinema Sins effect

katy-l-wood:

chequerootlurks:

ailithnight:

dreaming-shark:

hotcommunist:

partybarackisinthehousetonight:

*releases pack of dads into home depot* go……be free

invasive species encroach on lesbian territory

This is a common misconception because they’re such similar environments, but you should be aware that dads are native to Home Depot, while lesbians are actually native to Lowe’s. At this point, however, both dads and lesbians have made themselves at home in both Home Depot and Lowe’s to the point that trying to separate them back into their original ranges would probably do more harm than good to the delicate ecosystem of large chain hardware stores.

A properly raised and socialized Dad will be perfectly comfortable cohabiting with Lesbians. Its not really “encroaching on another’s territory”. You wouldn’t say that about foxes in a forest that also homes bobcats, would you? No. It’s just two different species that have both evolved to live in similar/the same environment. As long as they recognize each other as equals, Dads and Lesbians are more than capable of cohabitation.

Now, if you were to release a pack of Lumberjacks into a Lowes or Home Depot, that’s where chaos will reign. Being adapted to a far harsher and more demanding environment, the Lumberjacks would simply push Dads and Lesbians both out and also consume far more than a sustainable amount of resources. It would be like releasing bears at a country club.

As a former timber-harvester… I feel this is potentially accurate in theory. But highly improbable in actuality.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Please stop labeling Lumberjacks as dangerous roving social predators. They are intermediate level omnivores and remarkably peaceful unless threatened.

As a hardware store worker I can say that this is all 100% accurate.

Violet Beauregarde should‘ve won Wonka’s chocolate factory

gaysemiotics:

evayna:

Have I watched the movie in the last decade or more? No.
Do I have iron clad evidence to support my argument? Yes.

1. She’s the most knowledgeable about candy. She’s committed to it, and knows her stuff. When Wonka holds up a little yellow piece across the room, she recognizes it immediately. She was able to switch to candy bars for the sake of the contest, so we know she has personal discipline and is goal oriented. Also, two major projects play directly into her strong suits: the 3-course-meal gum that Wonka failed to make safe (gum) and the neverending gobstopper (longevity).

2. She’s the most fit to run a business. Violet is competitive, determined, hard working, and willing to take risks. Her father is a small town car salesman and politician, so she could easily pick up knowledge and support from him. (Veruca’s dad is also a business man, and in a compatible market (nuts), but it’s made very clear that Veruca has no respect or knowledge of business practices or hard work.)

3. She’s the most sympathetic to the Oompa Loompas. She critiques Veruca when Veruca demands to buy one. More importantly, Wonka has been testing the 3-course-meal gum that ‘always goes wrong’ on Oompa Loompas while he presumably just watches. Violet is ready to put herself on the front line, instead of treating the Oompa Loompas as disposable, and would therefore be a better boss.

4. Her personality ‘flaw’ is the most fitting for the company. In the moralizing Oompa Loompa song, they just say ‘gum is pretty cool, but it’s not socially acceptable to chew it all day‘. The thing is, we already know that she can stop if she wants, because she already did that to win the golden ticket. And yeah, she is defensive about the perceived impoliteness of her hobby (like when her mother tries to shame her about her habit during a televised interview) but the obsession with candy and neglect of social norms is EXACTLY what Wonka is all about. This is on brand.

5. Her misstep in the factory is reasonable. Wonka shows everyone a candy he’s very proud of. Violet is like “oh sick, that’s gum, my special interest.” Wonka is then pulls a “WRONG! It’s amazing gum!” So in the very moments before she takes the gum Wonka has mislead her just to belittle her. So when he’s like “I wouldn’t do that” why should she give a shit what he has to say? She’s not like Charlie over here who’s all “Sure Gramps, let’s stay behind while the tour leaves and secretly drink this thing that has been explicitly stated to fill you with gas and is too powerful for safe consumption, oh and also I just saw what happened to Violet so I actually KNOW what this stuff can be capable of” Also, Violet is not selfish about her experience, she tells everyone what she’s tasting and feeling, and everyone is eager to hear it. Taking a personal risk to share knowledge with everyone. Violet is Prometheus: fact.

So Augustus contaminates the chocolate river. Charlie sneaks around and contaminates the vent walls. Veruca destroys and disrupts the workspace. Mike knows exactly what will happen to him and transports/shrinks himself deliberately. Violet had no idea what the gum could potentially do to her, and caused no harm to anyone or anything but herself.

Lastly: Can you imagine Charlie filling Wonka’s shoes? That passive, naive boy? Violet is already basically Wonka. She’s passionate, sarcastic, candy-obsessed, free thinking, and a total firecracker. She’s even better than Wonka, because she doesn’t endanger others.

Violet should’ve been picked to inherit the chocolate factory.

fourteen–steps:

stephendann:

churchyardgrim:

slightlyfrumiousbandersnatch:

just-shower-thoughts:

The fact that we can accidentally bite the insides of our cheeks has to be the biggest design flaw of the human body.

NO SORRY IT’S THE FACT THAT OUR TRACHEA AND ESOPHAGUS CROSS AND BRIEFLY OCCUPY THE SAME HOLE
DOLPHINS DON’T HAVE THIS PROBLEM.

WE ONLY GET ONE SET OF ADULT TEETH THAT ARE DESIGNED TO LAST MAYBE HALF OUR EXPECTED LIFESPAN

OUR LOWER BACKS ARE STRUCTURALLY FUCKED FROM MAKING A SHITTY TRANSITION TO BEING BIPEDS

INTELLIGENT DESIGN MY ASS, BUT AT THE VERY LEAST WE’RE NOT HORSES

“In conclusion, the humans were extremely angry until they saw the horse, and then thought ‘Well, that bastard’s got it rough, this ain’t so bad’“

I’d like to also submit: our inability to produce our own vitamin C like 99% of all other mammals. Us, bats, and guinea pigs are the only ones stupid enough to not do that automatically and die by the millions of scurvy when we don’t drink our lemon juice while we’re off gallivanting around the ocean.